Craig Jutila, Volunteers, and Ninjas.

Volunteering is a unique enterprise. Since there's no threat of losing a paycheck, volunteers actually have to buy in to what's going on. They invest time and energy, and many things are accomplished. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, in 2010 a little over a quarter of the entire United States population volunteered in some capacity! And a third of those were for religious organizations. That's, like, over 60 million volunteers!

For many, it can be a huge rush - it's fun to do something helpful, make an impact, and create positive change for a people or place. After a great day, I've heard many people describe getting a "volunteer high". Because people are choosing to buy-in to whatever endeavor, it also means, on some level, they care. So when opinions differ, or miscommunications happen, or feelings are hurt, etc., it feels like there's something more at stake. And at risk of sounding like Big Bird, we're always going to have conflicts; maybe the question is how we handle them.

Children's Ministry Magazine ran an article by Craig Jutila, children's pastor at Saddleback, intended for children's leaders, but it's good stuff for anyone. He offers three points:

1. Develop Thick Skin and a Sensitive Heart - "Have a magnet in your heart and a compass in your head", Jutila says.

2. Respond, Don't React - Craig says he waits 24 hours when he gets a negative email that "has the hint of negativity", so as to give his fingers' emotions the best possible chance to write a thoughtful (not sarcastic/angry) response!

3. Outlast Your Critics - I literally laughed out loud when I read: "I have a personal theory. I think there are about 15 people who drive around together in a van from church to church. They spread their discontent with just about everything that's going on. They thrive on pointing out your mistakes, correcting your path, and adjusting your perspective. They're so negative it's like they're earning some kind of award for it. No matter what church you go to, you'll meet these people. So don't be surprised when their van unloads. My point is, the goal is to simply outlast those who are critical of you."

I might add a fourth: be direct. This is probably contextual, but it can feel like there's often cultural pressure (whether in church or not) to be nice. This approach says fewer conflicts equals greater health, period. The problem is this approach often breeds resentment, and it gets easier and easier to rationalize staying quiet, and ultimately leaving [the marriage, the organization, the house, the situation]. And if folks DO stick around, people get the message that it's better to hide [their thoughts, their opinions, their emotions], since even the smallest of conflicts become an event, rather than just a passing conversation. The paradox: in an effort to maintain fewer and fewer conflicts - deeper, bigger, harder-to-resolve conflicts take hold.

Dang, and here I promised myself this blog post would stay light and easy-breezy!

On the other side of the coin, conflicts can be fantastic opportunities. The people closest to me are the friends who have stuck around for a long time and been willing to work through our "stuff". For me, I don't feel like I really know someone until we've worked through a conflict. There's a potential bond that's very powerful! The friendship becomes something you've fought together for.

It does seem like at the end of the day, all personal conflicts have one thing in common: they're risky. Things can go well, or, uh, not. How do you sail these waters? What's helped you?